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There is one thing I noticed in the midst of the terror I experienced consistently in late 2020 and early 2021: I felt so numb. There were times I would start ugly crying about something – usually something tender and heartfelt like a nice, masked man helping us buy a Christmas tree – but I couldn’t do it. My not being able to cry is pretty remarkable, and not in a good way. Everything was locked up in the rage, terror, and incredulity that permeated every waking moment during that time, so I was feeling little else, which felt like feeling nothing. I felt exhausted and dead inside and literally checked obsessively if I had a pulse. I process things by writing about them, and it seemed important to record this feeling, so I could look back and feel grateful that this time had passed.

Despite the bleak origin of this song, I loved its groove and melody, even before I sent it to my producer, Kenny Schick, to sketch. This is a good example of how sometimes the import of my lyrics and the way I express them contrast, often with a playful or even humorous side eye at myself.

In addition to songwriting, lead vocals, and writing the harmony vocals, I performed backing vocals on this song. Kenny Schick, my producer, also sang backing vocals and played or programmed all of the instruments. Kenny recorded his parts at Basement3Productions in Nashville, Tennessee, and I recorded my parts in March 2022 with Steven Glaze at ToneFreq Studio in San Jose, California.