Post 4 of 8 :: Mixing Metaphors: One Artist’s Passage from Humming Child to Singer-Songwriter Recording Artist
The Praise Band
One part of my story as a musician and singer is the time I spent in a church praise band and the unfortunate way that it ended. I thought long and hard about whether to include this piece in my story, but I could not leave it out; it is too central to my musical journey. It is a tender story, and not just to me, so I will do my best to tell it with honesty while staying firmly in my own lane.
I loved singing in the praise band. There were times during those two years that I experienced some of the greatest joy making music in my life. It brought together my faith and my need to do music in a way that met me more deeply than I can express. I am intensely grateful for my time there and what it taught me. I learned that I am most alive when performing music, particularly when singing. I learned that I am a good musician. I learned that even though I did not yet have the skills, I definitely wanted to be in the front singing lead, not in the back singing backup. I also learned that my scope needed to be much larger musically, culturally, and spiritually than most Christian music allows, particularly if you are a woman.
Getting kicked out of a praise band raises ugly questions, and it’s safe to say that it was devastating in my small world, both personally and musically, not to mention spiritually. To be fair, I was invited to stay on as an instrumentalist, but I was uninvited to continue as a vocalist. Given where my heart was, this felt like being thrown out, and I was so crushed that I left and decided never to sing again. Fortunately, God had other plans for me, including a wedding gig singing for friends a few weeks later from which I could not back out (thank you, Richard & Maria!), and another persistent friend (who appears in the next blog post) who dragged me out of a very dark place to be a lead singer for a cover band he was pulling together.
Happily, I now consider this moment as a colorful and essential part of my story. I am intensely grateful that I was kicked out because I am not sure I could have left on my own. This rejection propelled me into a much broader, richer musical world and ultimately led to my pursuit of songwriting. It also provided immense motivation to work tirelessly and steadfastly to improve and develop as a vocalist. I was not so much trying to prove them wrong as I was simply insisting on giving myself a faithful chance to become the singer I wanted to be.
Probably the most important thing I learned is that if someone thinks I suck, I can carry on despite this opinion even though at the time it felt like dying. I also learned later that even if I maybe do suck now and then, it’s forgivable, and it doesn’t mean I will suck forever if I work hard enough. And I work harder than almost anyone I know. This is one of the best gifts I have received in my musical journey.
My new album, THESE HANDS, is available wherever you like to buy and listen to music. Click the button below to listen to the album, and please consider a purchase if you like what you hear. Thank you!